How to get clarity in meetings and actively listen
A tactic to improve your active listening in every meeting.
“Bring it back, sing it back
Bring it back, sing it back to me”
Moloko, Sing It Back
Last week, I was at my desk during the end of a meeting-heavy day. Sitting through back-to-back meetings is exhausting, and of course my last meeting was the most important one. What we decided today would affect all of my work the following week.
Everything was moving along as planned. We were getting through the agenda, people volunteered for follow-up actions, yet everyone only seemed semi-engaged in their tiny little video squares. No one looked like they were typing (I certainly wasn’t). But just as the meeting was ending, a phrase from my co-worker caught my attention: “Can I play that back for a second to make sure we’re on the same page…” I noticed the other little heads perk up in their squares as well.
My co-worker played back each discussion topic and repeated the agreed next steps. When the meeting ended I was much more clear about what we’d accomplished.
A synapse fired in my sleepy end-of-day brain.
It connected me way back to the time when I was designing websites and marketing materials for clients. I learned quickly to always repeat what the client said, to ensure they (and I) understood the requirements correctly and the next step of the process.
It was a hard-learned skill.
I still remember the client meetings I'd left, feeling confident I'd understood the assignment, only to realize too late in the design process that I hadn’t. A combination of a faulty memory and unclear notes would inevitably result in lost work, frustrated clients, or both. It forced me to redo my work — on my own dime. I eventually learned to clarify everything in person and follow-up with an email.
Once I got through that painful growth spurt, repeating back to clients became muscle memory. But overtime, that muscle atrophied; if you don’t use it, you lose it. It had been so long since I’d worked with clients. I was out of practice. My co-worker reminded me this works with anyone — co-workers or clients.
I’ve heard this skill go by many names: reflecting, mirroring, and clarifying. It’s used by journalists, interviewers, researchers, and therapists. And it’s a skill you’ll notice everywhere once you begin to practice it.
After last week’s meeting, I can’t help but call it a “Playback” (don’t call it a comeback). But whatever you call it, you’ll become a better designer (and co-worker) by practicing it.
💪 How to put this into practice
Below are a few helpful tips I’ve picked up along my design journey. Use these to improve and guide your active listening.
ABC (Always Be Capturing)
In Design Sprints and workshops, you always want to be writing everything down, whether it’s on a whiteboard, sticky note, in a notebook, or on your phone. Same with playbacks. Capturing makes it easier to refer back to something someone said at a later time without needing to rely on memory. It also comes in handy when a client or co-worker (or you) forgets.
Paraphrase, don’t parrot
Mirroring is when you repeat exactly what someone said. But you can come across as an annoying chatty parrot if you do it too much. Mirroring should be used sparingly. Try to use similar words as much as possible without changing the meaning or introducing your own ideas. Keep it short and phrase it as a yes–no question.
If someone says, “I always write a summary after I’ve finished my TPS report and before I print everything for review.”
Try asking, “So completing the report is always first, followed by the summary, and then printing for review, right?”
Ask for agreement, especially if you disagree or don’t understand
It’s ok to get something wrong, misunderstand, or disagree. Take the time to get clarity. Clarity now will save you time, effort, and pain later.
I've learned there's a pretty clear cue when I should interject a playback. Most of my meetings are video calls, so I wait for a point when a person finishes talking, and I can see everyone just staring, waiting for someone to speak next. That's when I jump in with:
“Ok, so if I understand correctly, here’s what we’ve just discussed/agreed/said...”
Mix it up
Try not to use the same phrase too often to avoid being repetitive. Plus, you want to have a conversation, not draw attention to your tactic.
Here are some phrases to try on (see what works for you):
Let me play that back…
If I am hearing you correctly…
So if I understand correctly…
What you're saying is that…
In summary, …
So, to summarize…
I heard you. We should…
Here’s what I’m hearing…
What you said was…
Just to clarify…
What I heard was…
Let me see if I understand…
Ok, let me see if I got that right…
🤔 Final thoughts
Active listening takes time, focus, and attention to master. And it's worth it.
I hope this tactic helps you improve your work relationships. Even more, I hope it helps you improve your personal relationships.
Have a fun week!
-Mat
P.S. When writing this I remembered IBM Design’s “Playbacks” from their Enterprise Design Thinking framework. Similar conceptually, but IBM’s is a formalized process. Big fan of the folks at IBM Design.