How to leave work at work (especially if you work from home)
A process to stop work from interfering with your personal life.
— Elsa, Frozen
Picture this situation
You’re at dinner with your partner or out with friends. While someone’s talking, you notice your mind begins wandering. An unfinished task. Something you said to a colleague. An unresolved problem at work. An idea you have for your company or a big project. You try to refocus on the conversation, but the thoughts keep coming back. When you’re distracted people notice. Which can lead to anger, frustration, or sadness that you're not present.
What’s happening?
You’re anxious (or maybe excited) about something. You might be excited about a new idea or way to solve a problem. More often, you are afraid of an outcome or worried something will or won’t happen. Either way, you are OK. This feeling is very normal. I’ve worked at startups and also at large tech companies. Work anxiety seems to happen to everyone everywhere.
Here’s a process I use when work anxiety happens to me and I need to get things out of my head, reduce my anxiety, and free up room to be present with others.
How I leave work at work
🤔 Identify the source of the distraction as a Task, Idea, or Worry.
✍ Capture it where you manage work tasks.
🕘 Review at a repeatable time and place in your day.
Why this works
When I identify what’s bothering me I can take action. Taking action makes me feel in control. Feeling in control is a natural antidote to anxiety.
By writing it down, I get it out of my head. The process of making the idea, task, or worry tangible allows my brain to let go. By letting go, we reduce our anxiety or worry. Bonus: This gives me a perfect memory because I don’t need to remember anything. 😅
Finally, a repeatable daily task review allows me to relax, knowing I have a specific time and place to address everything.
How I put this into practice daily
1. Identify the source
First, do not fight your feelings. A natural instinct is to avoid or ignore distracting feelings or anxiety, but doing so only leads to more worry and rumination. Our brains hate unresolved issues. So much, that it’s a tactic writers use in movies and television to hook you. Unresolved, your brain will become fixated, so write it down, in order to let it go.
I’ve discovered three main categories of things that keep me awake at night:
Tasks - Things I forgot to do or need to do. (Eg. write an email, Make a Design Spec, review a product brief, etc.)
Ideas - Usually they require a bit more explanation so I take a note, or make a quick sketch.
Worries - I write these as if they were tasks. (Eg. Follow-up to make sure John knew you were joking and not serious when you made that comment about “burning it all down.”)
These three tend to cover 99% of things that distract me outside of work. When I’m with others, I politely excuse myself from the conversation long enough to write it down on my phone.
2. Capture it
The second step is to write it down. Make it real. You can use anything! A piece of paper, a to-do list app, a voice-note. Anything that works for you. Just try to stick to one primary way. Using the same method reassures your brain it won’t get lost. Today, I use the Todoist app because I always have my phone on me and use Todoist for both my professional and personal life. I also find it flexible enough to capture most things.
Pro-tip: getting into the habit of capturing everything that comes at you can even help you focus while at work and work intentionally on the right things.
3. Review it daily
Having a repeatable process further reassures your brain the task won’t be lost. And helps you stay productive. I start and end my day with a list. At the end of the day I write down all the things in my head. My remaining tasks, things I’m worried about, or ideas I’ve been batting around. This allows me to fully unplug my brain and transition to personal life.
When I start my day I review my list. I add more if necessary, and then I prioritise. I use the Eisenhower Method which helps me focus on the most urgent but important items. Here’s a helpful overview of that method written by James Clear. I’ll write more on this method later.
Final thoughts
The process (Identifying, capturing, reviewing) works like a cycle. Once you set it up, it'll be easier in the future to avoid fighting your feelings and use them.
This process has worked well for me, but ultimately you need to see what works best for you. The main goal is to be more present and fully enjoy the time you have with friends and family.
If you’ve tried techniques like this and your anxiety is interfering with daily activities, consult a mental health professional.
Have a fun week!
-Mat
P.S. Have you tried something similar? How was it? What worked and what didn’t? Hit reply, I would love to hear your experience!
Anxiety resources:
Anxiety Resource Center. A not-for-profit organization dedicated to educating people about how to live with anxiety and how to overcome it.
The Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) has an online resource that can help you locate a licensed mental health professional in your area who specializes in helping people with anxiety.
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). A large, grassroots mental health organization dedicated to building better lives for Americans with mental health conditions. NAMI has a helpline staffed with trained volunteers to help answer questions, offer support, and provide practical next steps.